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FAA Report: Spirit Airlines Is The Fucking Worst | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (theonion.com)
WASHINGTON—According to a new report released Tuesday by the Federal Aviation Administration, Spirit Airlines, the American low-cost air carrier, is the absolute fucking worst and is actually a giant fucking rip-off.
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Internet Users Demand Less Interactivity | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (theonion.com)
SAN FRANCISCO—Tired of being bombarded with constant requests to share content on social media, bestow ratings, leave comments, and generally “join in on the discussion,” the nation’s Internet users demanded substantially less inte...
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Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (theonion.com)
SAN DIEGO—Following the events of last week, in which a crazed western lowland gorilla ruthlessly murdered 21 people in a local shopping plaza after escaping from the San Diego Zoo, sources across the country confirmed Thursday that national gorilla...
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Women Voters Can't Help Fawning Over Sexist GOP | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (theonion.com)
WASHINGTON—Saying they know its no good for them but they just can't help themselves, gushing women voters acknowledged Monday the overwhelming and uncontrollable attraction they feel toward the sexist Republican party. Smitten female voters across ...
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It's Funny, I've Actually Only Been To New Jersey A Couple Of Times | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (theonion.com)
By Bruce Springsteen
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Candidate Turns To Focus Group For Position On Rape | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (theonion.com)
RICHMOND, VA– Wanting to
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I Mean, If I Lose To Mitt Romney, I'll Probably Kill Myself | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (theonion.com)
By Barack Obama
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Neil Armstrong's Wife Glad To Finally Get Rid Of All The Space Hobby Crap | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (theonion.com)
CINCINNATI—Carol Held Knight told reporters on Wednesday that, though she was still mourning her husband Neil Armstrong’s death, it was frankly a relief to finally be able to clear out all the “space hobby crap” her late husband
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George W. Bush Returns To America After Spending 4 Years In The Himalayas | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (theonion.com)
JACKSONVILLE, FL—Garbed in unwashed robes and wearing a long, gray, wispy beard, former president George W.
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Marxists' Apartment A Microcosm Of Why Marxism Doesn't Work | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (theonion.com)
AMHERST, MA—A filthy, disorganized apartment shared by three Marxists clearly shows why the utopia described by Marx will never come to fruition.